As a teacher in Japan, there's a standard of professionalism I'm expected to maintain. But this is me, we're talking about. I wore clogs when a clogging group came to my elementary school. I was the kid wearing green underwear every St. Patrick's day. My costumes have been notoriously non-mainstream, often requiring long-winded explanations (in college, I once dressed as a goth fairy, but I wasn't just a goth fairy. I was Experiment 666: a captured fairy that used her magic to destroy the lab where she was tortured, but ended up killing herself in the process).
So who am I to turn my back on a cherished holiday? In America, it's commonplace to wear costumes to work on the big day, especially in schools of every level! It's as traditional as a banana hammock or Slutty Red Riding Hood. But in some lines of work as a contracted representative with standards to uphold, certain things are expected.
And these certain things need to be ignored come Halloween. However, if you don't want to lose your job or receive a stern dressing-down (whichever is worse for you), I've devised a little list of clever ways to celebrate your favorite holiday in a tongue-in-cheek manner.
1. Mia Wallace from "Pulp Fiction." The before, not the after. This one's easy. Just a white shirt and black pants and black flat shoes. Dudes can pull this off seamlessly. Feel free to break into a little dance contest of one at any time.
2. Grandpa from "Princess Bride." Speaking of cross-dressing, another easy get up for either men or women! A lot of brown tweed, a grey sweater vest and you're in business! For bonus points, print a cover of "The Princess Bride" and cover a book...or just buy the real book. Once in a while, quote the movie including "As you wish" and "Yes, you're very smart. Shut up."
3. A superhero in disguise. I just wore my reading glasses! But if you have one, wear a hero t-shirt under your work shirt for quick and discreet phone booth changes!
4. "Supernatural" Trickster. This one was fun. Just go about your normal life, eat candy all day and be all too enthusiastic about shenanigans. But be careful! Don't go over the top or those Winchester boys will be on your ass!
5. Lumbergh from "Office Space." I really wanted to do this but could not find the red suspenders. All you need is a blue striped shirt, khaki pants, damned red suspenders, yellow tie and glasses. Carry around your mug, ask for favors and don't forget the trademarked "Yyyyyeaaahhhh....that'd be grrrreaaat."
6. A free elf. Fellow Harry Potter followers can appreciate this and the next costume. As a freed house elf, yes, you're working, but the ratty sock you keep in your pocket means you're only working because you want to!The paycheck means you can just flaunt your freedom by buying more single socks!
7. A death eater. Be discreet and hide your dark mark under a long sleeve. You're tracking Potter, after all, and there are auror spies everywhere!
8. VFD. If you're at all familiar with Lemony Snickett's "A Series of Unfortunate Events," all you need to apply is a tattoo to your ankle. Who knows who you really are, who knows where you come from or which side of the schism has your allegiance. Are you even in a costume? You're a mystery shrouded in an enigma like a mysterious enigma pita.
10. Pocky is about as easy as it gets. Khaki pants and a colored shirt or sweater! And you can come in a variety flavors including chocolate and strawberry!
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