Since I started working at いい中学校 the fuku kocho sensei, vice
principal, has been planning to invite me to his home to meet his family
and eat dinner. I've been apprehensive but excited too because it's a
real honor to be invited to someone's home in Japan: in a professional
relationship like this, employer and employee, it's even more of a big
deal! But that was back in April. Between sports festivals, seasonal
holidays and personal obligations, the dinner has been pushed up and up.
Finally, this past Monday was the dinner.
While I was sitting
at my desk last week, the F.K. came to me and said, "We would like you
to join our dinner on Monday. Is this OK?" Of course it was! And thus,
the apprehensive weekend began. No, I'm just kidding. Of course I was a
little nervous because I wasn't sure what to expect or how the evening
would go. I mean, my Japanese is still pretty shoddy in my opinion, but
F.K's English is very good, so I hoped for the best.
Oh
Monday afternoon, I picked up a bottle of wine for the family, a
customary gift for a dinner invitation. We had arranged to meet at the
Sakurano department store at 7pm when F.K and his wife would pick me up.
I sat in the lobby of the store until the F.K. came in and escorted me
out to the car where his wife was waiting behind the wheel. She opened
the car window and leaned out to wave at me as we walked over. Super
sweet! Inside, I learned her name is Emiko and her English is pretty OK.
On par with my Japanese. It was a good start.
After
they had me, we continued on to their nephew's home. Apparently, the
nephew, Shoki, didn't know I was going to be at the weekly family
dinner. F.K. had told me his nephew is in high school and wants to be an
English teacher, so he's hoping talking to me will be good practice. I
felt a little bad for the kid: most of student lives revolve around
academia, so being at their family dinner, I worried what the poor kid
would think.
While F.K. went in the house to collect him, Emiko and I chatted about her fancy new car. She's very proud of it.
When
Shoki got in the front seat and looked back to see me, he seemed
surprised, but very easily slid into his standard English greeting of
"Hello. Nice to meet you. My name is Shoki." After that, he became very
quiet. He answered questions but that was it.
We arrived
at the house at about 7:30, in time for a standard Japanese dinner. I
presented Emiko with the wine, excusing it as "just nothing, but this is
for you," and slipping on some guest house slippers. The home is three
stories and narrow, with wood floors and paneling and tatami rooms
towards the back. The dining table is between a typical western dinner
table's height and a low Japanese coffee table. So sitting at the table,
drinking tea while the mother and youngest daughter (21) moved around
the kitchen, I felt like I was hovering literally between east and west.
F.K. then brought attention to Shoki's quietness.
"Shoki, usually you are talking. Tonight you are very quiet."
Shoki
and I talked about his school activities: he plays volleyball, likes to
cook and wants to be an English teacher. Much to his relief, dinner was
then put on the table: nabe! What's nabe, you ask? What isn't
nabe? You get a large ceramic pot, fill the bottom with broth of your
choice then anything and everything you love! Tofu, carrots, potato, any
noodle you like, leeks, chicken, mushrooms...literally, anything! You
can add beef, pork or even fish! It all just poaches together and then
you help yourself from the pot.
Before we began, everyone sat
down and instead of the lunch time "いただきます" F.K. looked up and said to
me "We are a Christian family so we will pray but I'm sorry, I don't
know the English for this prayer, but please..." I said it was OK and
everyone folded their hands and bowed their heads. While they prayed, I
got a quick course in Japanese listening 101. I got "thank you for your
family, our home...the meal...Marta sensei,...something
something...Marta sensei...something something..."
When
that was done, F.K. took up my little bowl and served me the first
helping of nabe. Emiko asked if I was OK eating with hashi and I assured
her that yes, I'm OK with chopsticks. She was delighted. She seemed
very excited to talk to me whether in English or Japanese and I was just
as thrilled to talk to her! She then offered me another test: a bottle
of kimchi sauce. I happily took it and poured some on the nabe. In some
cultures, it might be rude to season a dish after it's been served but
Japanese people are usually very excited about food and take special
care to make the experience of eating as awesome and delightful as
possible.
The tittle tiny bowls empty quickly, so
between discussion, everyone constantly dipped in for more delicous
nabe. We talked about everything: we talked about my name, my
grandmother, Shoki's English speech recitation performance, his club
activities with the volleyball team and their family. They showed me
pictures of the newest baby who is turning one next month!
Then,
another daughter came home. The middle child of F.K., she's also 23 and
had spent the day job hunting. She came in with the good news that she
has been offered a job as an acupuncturist! She just needs to get her
license then she will start work in the spring! Everyone was so happy
because she was having a hard time getting motivated to find work. I got
the opportunity to see the personal side of their family life, and it
was somewhat moving to see that they deal with the same trials American
families have (especially of late).
Up until this point,
Shoki had been pretty quiet, mostly eating and texting on his phone.
F.K. at one point even got up and casually took the phone away. But as
the conversation turned back to hobbies and I asked Shoki what he likes
to do in his free time, he immediately opened up: video games! He
retrieved his phone and launched into a very good English demonstration
of his favorite cell phone game. We ate ice cream desserts as Shoki
explained the puzzle game to me. Everyone but F.K. actually gathered
around us, watching Shoki, very interested. F.K. just sat back and
chilled for a while.
With the demonstration over, they asked me what music I listen to. I told them I like rock, punk, a few things. Shoki and the youngest daughter perked up. ABBA? The Carpenters? Beatles? Queen? Avril? The daughter and I both love Avril. We gushed for a few minutes until she took me up to
her room. She showed me her small room on the
third floor of the house where we also found she and I both love Ghibli
as well as Avril Lavigne! She may be an adult legally, but she and her sister still live at home and they will until they get married. Very old fashioned, maybe, but economically speaking, I can't say it's ridiculous! We talked a bit more about music, Ghibli and Snoopy before we started back downstairs again.
On our way down, she walked into a large closet full of boxes and baby toys and books. She walked back out and handed me two
Princess Mononoke books: they're screen shot picture books of the
movie but written like a book in Japanese so I can study! The kanji has
hiragana written by it for easy reading! Now I have new study material and a bad ass story to motivate me to keep learning!
By then, it was time to call it a night. I excused myself
for being in the way and thanked them all. For my first formal Japanese dinner invitation, I feel like it was very successful. I got a real Japanese experience but didn't feel at all stressed the entire time I was there. The atmosphere was very comfortable and the fact that everyone seemed legitimately happy to see this exotic little American oddity eating nabe and mochi ice cream with them really helped me relax. The only problem? The next day, F.K. said he forgot to take pictures of me with his family.
So another dinner is officially in the works.
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