I have been sitting and listening to this for two days now. It's "influ" season in Japan and Kitakami has been hit hard. I'm cowering in fear at my desk and praying I make it to winter vacation without catching anything. But it's looking bleak. At one school, there is a teacher who sounds like she's on her death bed. Every breath is a rattle and she was coughing so hard at one point, I thought she'd lose a lung! Yesterday, she turned so red during the teacher's meeting, I was sure she was going to pass out!
Instead, she retreated to the hallway to cough. That wasn't a great idea since there's a spectacular echo effect out there.
Every day, I hear of another cluster of students being out with the flu. A couple have gone to the hospital! Yet still, students walk to and from school in snow and freezing rain, they walk through icy hallways, assemble in the spacious gym and brave the arctic bathrooms. Their only reprieve is the teachers room (most of which now have central air) or their classroom stoves.
But that's okay because everyone wears a surgical mask. No fear of germs (maybe), but it still does nothing to stifle that god awful coughing.
Look, Japan, let's have a chat. Your employees work harder than most other countries. I have so much respect for these people who work 6 to 7 days a week, dawn til dusk, year round. It's exhausting to be so dedicated...and that's why this time of year, your weakened immune systems give in to the flu.
So here's a little lesson on how to be sick. Trust me, it'll do wonders!
Day 1: Discover you have (a cold/ influ / walking pneumonia)
Congratulations! You're sick! Time to call the office and excuse yourself for a couple days and run to the pharmacy. Don't settle for simple tablets. Get the controlled substances. You don't have any heavy machinery to operate and you are excused from being a cognizant being for a while. Enjoy the bliss-haze that is Robitussin.
Day 2: Begin hibernation
Your body is now at civil war with itself. While it's fighting a disgusting battle of phlegm and fevers, hunker down. Make a fortress of your bed or sofa. Arm yourself with your favorite TV shows, tissues, juice, tea and soup. Have at thee!
Day 3: Moufu, mo-fo!
Boil that fever out. Steam baths, onsen, hot showers, bubble baths, blankets, blankets, blankets! Drop some menthol, eucalyptus or hell, chili oil into the water and let the fires cleanse your soul.
Day Whatever: Mind and body recover
Take your time. You're in no rush to get back to work. You are ONLY safe to return to the outside world when you are no longer coughing up solids or snorting through your runny nose or hallucinating your oatmeal talking smack about you.
And there you have it. You'll feel miserable, but isn't it more considerate to keep the inconvenience of sickness out of the public sphere? It's also a lot more comfortable when you don't have to put on real clothes.
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