How to Pass the Japanese Driving Test...for 'Muricans.

As if I know what I'm talking about. But with all the congratulations I've received from gracious friends and Japanese teachers, and the skeptic eye-rolling from my American affiliations, I thought I'd put my new found knowledge on the table.

So yes, what you heard is true: just because you  have a license to drive doesn't mean the Japanese Driving Test is going to be easy for you. It's about 20 times harder than that class you took from Triple A. Half of that is because everything you're doing is back-asswards. The average number of attempts it takes to pass is about 4 or 5, but of course it depends on the prefecture, too. I've heard other prefectures have easier or even more difficult tests! I don't know where Iwate falls on that scale, but my philosophy is this: Simple in theory, difficult as hell in practice!

So let's buckle up! Here's the course map from the driving center I attended. The lines are actually photoshopped in by a friend who went to a school to learn some tricks of the trade. On the course we took, he put in color-coded points that told us to look in mirrors, sound a horn, merge and all that. Anal retentive is the word for it, but helpfully so.

The course for "normal" driving tests (class C drivers, in America) changes every week, though not drastically. But one left or right turn can make all the difference.

First of all, it's a merit/demerit system. You start with 100 points. You lose 5 to 10 points for doing various things wrong.

  Overtaking other vehicles testing.
  Not checking your mirrors.
  Going off the course.
  Not doing what the officer says.
  Doing other than what the officer says.
  Forgetting to signal.     
  Forgetting to look in your blindspot (guilty).
  Going too fast on the straightaways.
  Going too slowly through the course (though I cruised along at about 8kmph and it didn't cost me).
  Forgetting to wash your hands before the test. (Just kidding: but I had a dream I lost .5 points for that)

Also be aware that professionalism counts. People have lost points for:   

1. Wearing open-toed shoes (Dude, who wants to see your Lamisil-troll-ridden toes?)
2. Girls wearing high heels (I know, technically not safe but come on. Fabulousity pushes the boundaries!)
3. Celebrating in the waiting room (I think the idea is that it looks like you're sticking it to the people who didn't pass, so...fair.)
4. Arguing with the officer after failing. (Really? Really? When is it ever a good idea to contest with an officer? Regardless of the country.)

The Elements of the Test:

Safety Check - Even before you get in the car, lock down the perimeter. Lock it down like it's freaking Fort Knox. Look left and right and cross the imaginary highway to get to the car. Then look around and under the car. Exaggerate! Army crawl under it if you need to, but general rule of thumb is if the officer doesn't see you doing it, it doesn't count...and they're constantly writing on their notepad so they're not watching you 100% of the time. So do everything longer and bigger than normal. Nothing should feel normal. Normal is for "Dangerous" Drivers.

Start Up - Okay, you've made it into the car. Order is important here. This was my experience: Adjust the seat, rear view mirror and strap in. Ask the officer to strap in too, but he won't. He'll notice if you ask, though and that'll help you. Next comes the "head-swivel" or "6-point turn." With your head and shoulders, look over your left shoulder, at the left side mirror, rearview, right side mirror, over your right shoulder and forward. Then, turn on the car, put it in drive and release the emergency brake. Before you hit the gas, Right turn signal and look out the right side, looking up and down the "street" for "traffic." When it's "safe," pull out and then signal Left to enter the course. Anytime you signal, hit that 6-point turn with intense deliberation. As far as you know the streets are crawling with horrible drivers and porcelain vases.

The Speed Zones - Depending on the driving center, the car is probably different than what you're used to. In my case, the center's car is a modified taxi and to get up to the required speeds takes a lot more effort than I'm used to. The first zone asks you to get to 50 kmph. Near impossible because if you don't hit the gas with just the right pressure, you won't get over 40. I made the mistake of thinking sooner is better than later, but the officer did not appreciate being thrown back in his seat when I stood on the gas my second time. So aim for about 5 kmph under the required speed..and READ THE NUMBERS as you hit them, more to yourself but loud enough for him to hear.

LEFT TURN -  Left signal. Rearview. Left side mirror. Left shoulder. Forward. Scooch to the left side of the road without running off the course. Pump your brakes lightly, but don't come to a full stop. You sort of want to idle alone. Look Right, Left, Right. LOOK OVER YOUR LEFT SHOULDER!!!! Then turn tight against the corner, none of that wide-turn nonsense.

RIGHT TURN - Right signal. Rearview. Left side mirror. Left shoulder. Forward. Scooch to the center line. Pump your brakes. Look Right, Left, Right. Sort of check your window in case "someone" is crossing the street. Turn right...at an intersection, there is a white diamond in the middle of the crossroads: for the love of god, don't hit it. Pretend it's herpes. Stay AWAY from it.

Intersections - At a light signal, if you cross on a yellow light, it's an instant failure. Yellow may as well be red. Also, you have to stop a good few feet behind the intersection line. It feels ridiculous, but you should see that line ahead of your bumper. Even if your tires are behind it, you'll lose points! When the light changes again, do your 6-points AND the Right, Left, Right.

Stop Signs - Same thing as a red light. Stay well away from the white line. The additional move is waiting a solid 3 seconds before you do anything! Just zone out. Make your shopping list in your head. Sing your favorite part of a Taylor Swift song. 3 seconds have passed. Do your 6-point then check for "traffic."

Obstructed View - There are usually large walls or corrugated barriers set up at a couple corners to block your view. You have to just creep as creepily as you can creep out, constantly looking up Right, Left, Right...Right, Left, Right. Mutter to yourself (like I did...it makes you sound like you're frustrated with the city developers: who'd put two stores right on the corner like that? You're going to be late if you can see this road!) Actually crane your neck and lean over the wheel!

Road Obstacles - I just had green cones to avoid, some places have other cars or a big truck...or a tractor! However, if they're not part of the course and are actually other testers and you pass them without say-so from the officer: insta-fail. Signal Right and do your Rearview, Right Mirror and Right Shoulder looks, merge into the lane, then immediately signal to go back to the Left. CHECK YOUR BLINDSPOT!

The (Infamous) Crank - The Crank is just a narrow strip of concrete made of two right angles. I failed miserably the first time because I didn't know how to move the car and didn't know I could actually back up and hit the barriers. I failed the second time because I didn't realize you should check all your mirrors the whole time when you're backing up...and then do the 6-points when you go forward again...even though you'd be in an alley in a Crank Situation. So, stay away from the inside edge when you have to turn, and if you have to back up, you can but holy hell check your mirrors and remember to look around before you move forward again.

The (Not-So-Bad) S-Turn - Slightly wider than the Crank, it's just a big serpentine path you have to stay on. Some places ask you to keep a turn signal on, but that was not my case.

Other Tips:

With a smile! You might be ready to vomit from nerves, but always smile.
Be polite: they are your sensei after all. Say "Yoroshiku onegaishimasu" and be complacent as can be.
Again, overact everything! You should feel like an extra from "The Exorcism of Emily Rose" with your head spinning so violently.
Whenever the officer says something, DO IT RIGHT NOW! Give a verbal acknowledgement too.
Slow and steady passes the test. Really, you have to crawl along if you're going to do all the required steps long and big enough for them to notice.
Be an actor/actress! Actually imagine seeing traffic or bikers or children, or they will call your bluff.
Look like you're here on purpose. I hate to say it, really, but I didn't wear a skirt and blouse until my third day. Japanese testers I saw wore casual clothes, but I don't know how they fared. Maybe it's how you present yourself, maybe it has nothing to do with it. But I'd just say it doesn't hurt to be on the safe side.

It also helps to have great friends like mine who gave me wonderful advice based on their previous efforts. Some elected to go to a driving school, some actually rented the course for a couple hours to practice on site. It's expensive and time consuming, but they passed before me, so there's something to it. That was plan B for me if I couldn't pass on the third time.

My last weird tip: practice practice practice. Even when you're not in the car.  Pretend to walk the course, go through the motions, just get that muscle memory. Practice in your car, at your desk, in your friend's car...and on the toilet. Weirder things have happened.